week 3 day 7 Loving myself as I am

I've been walking a lot this last week and all of the sweat and laundry that I did was so worth it because I lost 6.6 pounds, that's right, I'll say it again, almost 7 pounds during week 3, which is amazing for me. I've lost 16.2 pounds in less than 3 weeks and I'm eating right and exercising, no special tricks or secrets. I don't think I've ever lost that much weight in week 3 even when I had a trainer working me out 5 days a week.

So now I need to get past the celebrating and getting to the real reason that I decided to post something tonight. In the past, I've been really good about pretending that everything is great in my life but on the inside I'm so sad, miserable, and upset. Over the past 4 years, I've been a shrinking violet and I don't like that, my personality is bubbly and loving and fun, but I've missed her and I want her back. The part that comes with losing weight is the emotional baggage that has to come off as the pounds come off or else I'll end up in the same place again and that is just not going to happen.

I don't want to be numb from life anymore. I want to live my life now, not wait until I reach some weight loss goal before I allow myself to have fun. when I look at it that way, that's punishment, and it means that I don't think I deserve anything better right now. I've got to change that way of thinking and I think the way to do that is to just go all out. I have to set some goals over the next few days or weeks so that I can make sure I get myself out of the house and stop living my life in isolation. I deserve to be happy now, waiting to reach some type of milestone is obsurd and I won't entertain that.